I watch in pain and sorrow as my friends give up. Give up on a life that united us together, on a common ground, and most importantly people who saved my life.
I watch as they leave behind the life of a ‘fandom’. The only place I still feel like I belong. It was hard to watch them so effortlessly delete their music, photos and what felt like my heart. How could you abandon people who once made you so, so happy? Was I the only one not ready to let go?
“Get over it.” They said to me. “They don’t even know who you are.” “your wasting your time.” I’ve heard it all. But how could I believe them? The boys who have been there for me when I needed it, who made me feel beautiful when I was ready to give up, who made me happy… when all I felt was sad.
To me, it didn’t make sense to give up on someone, who never gave up on you.
I see everyone around me, just forget about them, and move on to people our age. How could anyone possibly compare to my idols? Why would I settle when I know there are people out there who I really want. I just don’t understand. I will never stop loving them. I see girls get dressed up in trashy outfits just for a bit of attention but in the end, was it worth it? was it worth abandoning who you once were, those who once made you believe in yourself, just for a short term fix?
Sure I dream of being a celebrity and marrying my favourite band member, and maybe that someday is going to happen! I’m determined to make it happen. I’m determined to put myself out there and find him and show him how long I’ve been here and that he deserves someone like me who will love him for who he is. Someday that’ll be me. Standing next to him, proud of his accomplishments. Proud of the man he’s become. Proud to call him mine.
And then I remember, It’ll probably never be me.
Love Fangirl Hero